Depression Is . . .

Depression is one of those things that can strike at any time.  You never know when or where it's going to rear it's ugly head.  It doesn't matter if you are at home or at work, on vacation or at the mall.  It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it might be.

Depression isn't always the same.  it can creepy up slowly, bring you down deeper and deeper everyday.  Or it can come out of nowhere and slap you upside the head causing a downward spiral.  It can last for a few hours, a day, a week, a month - you never know.

Depression doesn't always have a reason that you can understand.  Sometimes it does, there are lots of things, stress, illness, death, etc, that could trigger a period of depression.  But sometimes you find yourself in that deep dark hole and have no idea why you are there.

Depression can hit you in so many different ways.  It can make you sad, like sit in a corner and cry all day kind of sad.  It can make you angry, like explode at everyone who looks at you kind of angry.  It can make you not care, like the world could come falling down around you and you just shrug your shoulders.  It can make you clueless, like so clueless that you don't even notice that you are being miserable to everyone around you.  It can make you self absorbed to the point where you don't care that the guy in front of you slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting a child, all that you care about is that your purse fell on the floor and spilled when you hit your brakes to avoid hitting him.  It can make you withdrawn to the point where all you want to do is stay in bed.

Depression effects EVERYTHING - your family, your friends, your job, your pets, your home life, your social life.  No one can tell you what to expect or how you are going to feel or react.

Depression is unpredictable.  There is no one treatment that works for everyone.  Life becomes a rollercoaster of medications, therapies and strategies to try and keep in control of your life.  Some days it works, some days it doesn't.

Next time someone tells you that they suffer from depression, don't tell them that you know how they feel because you don't and you never will.  Instead, ask them how they feel and LISTEN! 

Even if you suffer from depression yourself, you don't know how they feel and you never will.  You understand what it is like to live with this horrible mental illness not knowing when it is going to turn on you again, but nobody suffers the same way. 

Depression is something different to everyone who suffers from it.

I Remember - 9/11/01

 

I remember bring at work, in the playground with a group of sweet, innocent toddlers when a co-worker came outside and told me about the first plane hitting the World Trade Centre.

 

I remember not exactly know what the World Trade Centre was or what the twin towers looked like or how big they were.

 

I remember thinking that it was a horrible accident - who would have thought of anything else before that day?

 

I remember another co-worker coming out and telling us that another plane hit the second tower, that both towers were engulfed in flames and that there would be hundreds of casualties.

 

I remember wondering what were the chances of two planes crashing into two buildings that close together.  Terrorists never crossed my mind. 

 

I remember parents dropping of their children sharing all sorts of news reports with us - some would end up being true, others, not so much.

 

I remember the utter shock and disbelief when I actually realized that this was not an accident.

 

I remember being told that shortly after rescue workers entered the tower to help people, the towers collapsed, first one and then the other.

 

I remember knowing that this was a horrible tragedy but not really having a clue how big it really was.

 

I remember hearing about the plane crashing into the Pentagon.

 

I remember hearing about the plane that crashed into the field in Pennsylvania.

 

I remember becoming more and more worried with each new piece of information.

 

I remember wondering if we were safe here.

 

I remember my husband telling me not to go anywhere on my lunch break.

 

I remember going home and eating supper in front of the TV watching news coverage.

 

I remember feeling sick to my stomach as I watched video replays of the second plane crashing and the towers collapsing, knowing that even though we couldn't actually see anything, that was a video of people dying.

 

I remember seeing the video of the President reading to a group of school children as someone whispered to him.

 

I remember the look of shock and horror on George W Bush's face.

 

I remember footage of people, running from the collapsing buildings, so covering in dust and ash that you couldn't tell if they were black, white or any skin tone, everyone was grey.

 

I remember footage of firefighters running towards those buildings to help anyone they could get to.

 

I remember that hundreds of those firefighters did not make it back out.

 

I remember that thousands of people lost their lives that day.

 

I remember that even more people lost loved ones that day, many who's bodies were never even found.

 

I remember that the events of that day have forever changed how we look at the world.

 

Every time I see a picture or video of the NYC skyline, with or without the Twin Towers, I REMEMBER and I ALWAYS will.

 

But I will never completely understand the enormity of this horrific event or the number of people who were touched first hand but this act of terrorism.

 

 

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The End Of An Era - Good Bye Daycare . . . Hello Big Boy School

Four years ago, almost to the day, my baby was started daycare.  He was eight months old and I was a week away from going back to work - at the same daycare.

 

Liam's first day of daycare - August 31, 2009

 

Four years seems like a long time, but it also seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. 

 

After a year in the infant program, a year in the toddler program and two years in the preschool program, with me working in the same building for three of those four years, today is my baby's last day of daycare.  He is almost ready to start school.

 

 

Liam's Preschool Graduation

 

My little boy, who has come to daycare with my for four years will now have to get on the school bus and go to school all by himself. 

 

I am excited for him to embark on this new adventure - to learn new things, to make new friends, to explore a whole new world. 

 

But I am also sad.  He is growing up far too quickly.  I won't get to see him with his friends every day.  He won't be there to run and give me a hug when I go into the room that he's been in for the past year.  I won't know what he's done every day and if he's listening to his teachers or not.  I won't be able to kiss his bo-bos.  I know that I am very lucky to have had him here at the daycare where I work.  I know it is a luxury that most working parents don't have.  But it still makes me sad.

 

And I have to admit that I am a bit worried for him.  What if he is scared on the bus?  What if he doesn't like his teacher?  What if he doesn't make new friends?  What if he needs me and I'm not there?

 

I am pretty sure that my worries will amount to nothing.  He is excited about going to big boy school.  He loved going on the school bus for our daycare field trip.  He's been trough countless daycare teachers in four years and they have all adored him and he's loved them all.  He is super social and he makes friends with kids anywhere we go. 

 

I think this is where I have to admit that I need him here more than he needs me here.  Even when he was a toddler and we were in the same room almost all day, everyday, he was content to do his own thing most of the time.

 

September will be a month of big changes and many new routines.  I expect that there will be a lot of chaos as we adapt to these changes and learn new routines.  I am sure that there will be tears (probably most of them will be mine!) but there will also be lots of excitement as we embark on this next stage of life. 

 



 

 

 

 

Baking Bread

I love to bake.  Liam loves to help me bake.  So, yesterday, I decided to bake a batch of whole wheat bread.  And of course, my little man was ready to help.

"Do you really have to take my picture?"

"Hey mom, what is this stuff and why is it growing??"

"This is HARD to stir!"

"Really?  I can use my hands?"

When baking with a 4 year old boy, one must always be prepared for unexpected dough monster attacks!

Whole Wheat Garlic Herb Buns

Whole Wheat Bread

Whole Wheat Cinnamon Rasin Bread

Everything baked and ready to be eaten.

"We made this?  Really?

Here is the recipe I use.  I have no idea where it originated, it is the recipe that my mom has used for as long as I can remember!

Whole Wheat Bread

1 cup lukewarm water

2 tsp. sugar

2 tbsp. yeast

Combine above ingredients and let rise for ten minutes.

Meanwhile, heat:

1 1/2 cups milk

1/2 cup shortening

Once shortening has melted, add:

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 1/4 cups lukewarm water

Mix well and add yeast mixture.

Gradually add:

6 cups whole wheat flour

6 cups white flour

Knead dough for 10 minutes.  Let rise until doubled in size.

Punch down dough.  Cut into 4 pieces.

Let rise 15 minutes.

Shape and place in greased pans.

Let rise until doubled in size.

Bake at 400F for 30 minutes.

Lightly glaze loaves with shortening or butter.

Yeild: 4 loaves or 4 dozen rolls.

For garlic herb bread/rolls: 

Knead one teaspoon garlic powder and one teaspoon Italian seasoning into one loaf before shaping. 

For Cinnamon Raisin Bread:

Mix 3 tablespoons brown sugar with 2 teaspoons cinnamon.

Knead cinnamon sugar and 2/3 cup raisins into one loaf before shaping.

Conversations With Liam - The Driller Bug Story

When you have a four year old with a very active imagination, you never know what the next conversation is going to be about or when you might have to have it.  This one happened at 3:00 in the morning yesterday.

 

 

Liam: "Mommy, MOMMY, MMOOMMMMYY!"

Me:  Stumbles out of bed and across the hall.  "What's wrong?"

Liam:  "Turn on my actual light."

Me: Turns on light.  "What's wrong?"

Liam:  "Come sit with me."

Me: Plods across the room and flops onto the bed and closes my eyes, realizing that the boy is not upset, he is happy and full of energy. 

Liam: "Mommy, sit up and open your eyes.  You need to look at me."

Me:  Slowly sits up.  "Why aren't you sleeping?'

Liam:  "Mommy, a long time ago, when I was a baby a driller bug drilled these two fingers."

Me:  "What?!?"

Liam:  "A long time ago, when I was a baby a driller bug drilled these two fingers."

Me: "What is a driller bug?"

Liam: "A driller bug is a green bug with four legs that goes 'chut chut chut bzzzzz' and drills."

Me:  "Umm, OK, where did you see a bug like that?"

Liam:  "I saw it a long time ago when I was a baby, when it drilled these two fingers.  But it's OK.  WHen I grew up and was a three year old, the thing the driller bug gave me when it drilled into my fingers died and fell off."

Me:  "Ummm, that's good."

Liam:  "I think the driller bug is under my bed or a big rock."

Me:  "There is no driller bug under your bed."

Liam:  "What about a big rock?"

Me:  "I guess there might be a driller bug under a big rock somewhere."

Liam:  "No, Mommy, under my bed.  Is there a big rock under my bed?  A giant rock?"

Me:  "No, there ar eno rocks under your bed."

Liam: "There is something under my bed.  It is either a driller bug or a big giant rock."

Me:  "No, there's not."

Liam:  Leans over and looks under the bed.  "You're right.  It must have disappeared."

Me:  "Can you go back to sleep now?"

Liam: "Yep, good night Mommy."

Me: "Good night Liam."  Turn off the light and close the door.

Liam: "MOMMY!"

Me: Open the door.  "What?"

Liam:  "You forgot to say I love you."

Me:  "I love you Liam."

Liam:  "I love you too."

 

So, I have no idea where I was when the driller bug was drilling into my baby's fingers.  Or why I didn't notice when the "thing" died and fell off.  But there you have it.  The Driller Bug Story.  The fun things I do at 3:00am!

Christmas and a Birthday - Hourly Photo and Instagram Style

Christmas Day - Hourly Photo and Instagram Style

8:00am - Opening Presents from Santa.

9:00am - Playing with presents!

10:00am - Getting organized to go to my Nana's house and then my parent's house.

11:00am - Silly Birthday Boy on his way to Grandma and Grandpa's.

12:00pm - At my Nana's house for Christmas lunch.

1:00pm - My Dad carving the turkey.

2:00pm - Dessert time! So many choices.

3:00pm - Time for presents!

4:00pm - Arriving at Mom and Dad's house.

5:00pm - Relaxing at my parent's house.

6:00pm - Lego building, a great way to pass time until dinner!

7:00pm - Time for Birthday Cake!  Happy Birthday Liam!  (Liam turned 4 at 7:02pm)

8:00pm - My brother, Quinten, modeling the new hunting apron that mom made him.

9:00pm - Driving home.  Too dark for a real photo!

10:00pm - Taking inventory of Liam's gifts so he can write thank you notes!

11:00pm - Admiring the quilt my mom made for Liam.  She also made him a tote bag filled with activity books!  Awesome!

12:00am - Good night and Merry Christmas!

Christmas Favorites - Mulling Spice

Some how crazy amounts of time have passed and it is December 17th.  A week from now it will be Christmas Eve.  A week from now I will be begging an overexcited three year old to go to sleep so that I can do last minute wrapping and probably decorate a birthday cake, because that three year will be turning four the next day.  So, it is double excitement for this boy who knows that "December 25" is his birthday AND that Christmas comes on HIS birthday.  Because you know, being a "the world revolves around me and me alone" three year old, his birthday must have come first!

In an effort to slow down and enjoy the season, I am going to take some time this week to share some of my holiday favorites with you!

Mulled apple cider is something that I've had around the holidays for as long as I can remember.  Mom would dump a jar of home pressed apple cider, that we made the previous summer from the apples from my Papa's orchard into the slow cooker.  She's throw in a couple of cinnamon sticks and and is she had them, a handful of cloves.  It was simple and it was good.  

Then I grew up and on a trip to Niagara on the Lake, years ago when we lived in Hamilton and could go visit the wineries whenever we wanted, we bought a bottle of mulling wine with a package of spices.  And it was so good!  I have been hooked on Mulling Spices ever since.  About two years ago, we discovered that Mulled Cranberry juice with Ameretto or Rum was a perfect Christmas drink. 

Normally, I buy an already made mulling spice mix but this year, I decided to make my own.  And I don't know if it was the freshness of the mixture or what but I think it is the best I've ever had. 

And it was fun to make ... I mean really, who doesn't have fun smashing things with a hammer??  Oh, and also cheap (enough of all ingredients to make a double batch was $10 at the Bulk Barn) and easy!

 First you take the hammer to a bag of cinnamon sticks.

 Don't put that hammer away yet, next you get to smash up some nutmeg.  I always wanted to buy whole nutmeg, just because it is cool, but never had a reason until now!

 Cinnamon Sticks and Nutmeg ... starting to smell really good!

The Allspice is a little trickier because it is small, the hammer didn't work so well.  So, for this I used my marble rolling pin and just rolled it back and forth over top of the buds.

 Cloves and dried orange peel are kind of boring, there is absolutely no smashing or crushing involved, they just get dumped in as is.

 Throw it all in a bowl together, mix it up and you are done!

Put it in a little jar and it makes a good gift, but once you try it, you aren't going to want to give it away because it is SO GOOD!

Mulling Spice

6 cinnamon sticks

1 whole nutmeg

1/2 cup whole cloves

1/2 cup whole allspice

1/4 dried orange peel

Add two tablespoons of spice mixture to four cups of beverage (apple juice or cider, cranberry juice or red wine).

Put in slow cooker and simmer for a couple of hours.  Serve hot.  (Can also be done in a pot on the stove for about half an hour if you are in a hurry.)  Longer = more flavour.

For red wine, add 1/2 white sugar or else it will be very bitter.

For the grown ups, add a shot of ameretto or run to your apple or cranberry juice when serving.