A month to go . . .

I sit here, trying to prepare, mostly mentally at this point to go back to work. I have been off since Christmas on maternity leave with my first child. Liam was born on Christmas day, he is my pride and joy and I adore every minute that I spend with him. But our lazy, but fun filled days at home are quickly coming to an end. On August 31st, Liam will start daycare and on September 8th, I will go back to work. This isn't what I want. I want to be able to take the full year of maternity leave. I want to be a stay at home mom. My husband wants me to be able to stay home with our little boy. But we don't always get what we want from life. Financially, there is no way that I can stay home any longer. So, we prepare for the day when we have to start getting up and getting ready early in the morning, instead of sitting around in our pajamas for half the day.

The daycare space is secured, and although Liam will be attending the daycare that I have worked at for the past 10 years, it is amazing the amount of thought I have to put into preparing for him to be there. I am already making lists of all the things I will have to take for him on the first day . . . diapers, wipes, diaper cream, extra clothes, sunscreen, food, bottles . . . the list seems to be never ending. Maybe now I will understand a little better when parents of the children forget something that their child needs!

And then there is the mental aspect . . . I have to leave my baby with other people. Yes, I know them, I have been working with them for years, but still, he won’t be with me. In some ways, it is probably easier knowing the daycare as well as I do, but in other ways, I think it is harder. I know that there are times when my baby won’t get the attention he needs right away, because there are 10 other screaming babies, and that breaks my heart, even though I know there is no way around it. And even though I will be in the same building, I am saddened by the things that I will miss. I hope he will accomplish his first steps and first words when he is home with me, but the reality is that I know I will mostly likely miss at least some of these things.

But, life will go on. Not the life that I have come to know and love, but a new crazy, busy life.