Six Word Fridays - FOUND

Found

An opportunity I did not expect.

New challenges, new confidence, new experience.

New insecurities, new obstacles, new struggles.

Pros and cons.  Positives and negatives.

Changes in every direction, every day.

I know I will make mistakes.

I will learn.  I will grow.

I will find solutions, fix errors.

I will do lots good things.

I have already done good things.

May be for a short time.

May be for a long time.

I don't know, no one does.

It's one day at a time.

But it really doesn't matter.

It is where I am now.

As long as I am there,

I will enjoy.  I will succeed. 

Six Word Fridays - Charge

This week’s Six Word Fridays topic: CHARGE. Charged up? Charge on! Lead the charge.

In Charge

Next week is when things change . . . 

Am I ready for this change?

I don't really know them yet.

They don't really know me yet.

But we will be thrust together.

They will look up to me.

They will be asking me questions.

They will be following my guidance.

I will have to have answers.

I will have to have solutions.

I will have to lead them.

Am I ready for this change?

Do I have what it takes,

To really, truly be in charge?

I am ready to work hard.

I am ready to be challenged.

I am ready to learn again.

I won't always have the answers.

But I will find the answers.

I won't always have the solutions.

But we will all work together.

There will be headaches and times

that I just want to scream.

But,

I know I can do this.

I know I will enjoy this.

Depression Changes Things

I am participating in the 5 for 5 writing series at Momalom where bloggers write a post a day for five days about a given topic.  The first topic is CHANGE.

Many people think of depression as just feeling sad all the time.  Unfortunately for those of us who suffer from depression, we know that there is a whole lot more to it than that.  Depression effects just about every aspect of your life, not always at the same time or in the same way but it touches everything in someway. 

Everything changes when you become depressed.  The way you look at life, the way you interact with people, the way you do your job, your thoughts, your choices, your hopes and desires.

Some of these changes are easy enough to get back on track once you learn how to control your depression.  But some of them are not.  Sometimes it seems as though depression has changed certain aspects of your existence for good.

Before I developed depression, I was full of energy and motivation, always ready to try new things and make decisions, although I was a little bit shy, I wasn't afraid of meeting new people and I was no super model, but for the most part, I was happy with my appearance.  Now, even though my depression is under control, I have changed.  

I don't have the energy and motivation that I once had.  Even when I want to do something, it can be a struggle to motivate myself to get up off the couch or move away from the computer.  I miss the enthusiasm that I once had for many things.  I hate having to push myself to do the things I love. 

I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.  I need to get healthier, not only for me, but for my family.  I need to eat better and eat less.  I need to exercise more.  I need to stop just saying these things and actually doing them.

I am tired of worrying about what people think of me.  I am tired of seeing things so negatively.  I am tired of not being able to make a decision.  I am tired of the way depression has changed me.  I am tired of depression being in control.  It is time I learn to control my depression.

It is time to CHANGE.

I should be . . .

Supper's finished, the dishes are done, the toddler is in bed.  <>  Time to sit down and relax.  Time to check in on Facebook and Twitter.  Time to catch up on reading my favorite blogs.

But not really.  All the time I spend on the computer should really be spent doing something much more productive.  Yet, night after night, I find myself parked at the computer because it is easier.  It doesn't take any physical effort.  It is definitely more entertaining.  And for the most part, it doesn't even take much thought.  Occasionally I write a blog post or have a conversation that exercises my brain cells slightly but for the most part, the only thing getting any kind of exercise are my typing fingers.  Although I have never seen any type of study or proof, I am pretty much convinced that typing isn't going to help me lost any weight.

I need to find a way to motivate myself to do the things that need to be done FIRST and then enjoy some computer time.  And to remember the things that I want and need to do each day.  I spend waste too much time doing nothing on the computer - playing silly games, refreshing Facebook and Twitter every 30 seconds, registering for yet another message board or group that I may will never visit again.

This is all time that could should be spent:

cleaning my house

tidying the drawers of my desk

organizing my craft supplies

organizing and scrubbing out my kitchen cupboards

cleaning out my closet and dresser

planning Brownie meetings

working on my scrapbooks

baking or cooking (to freeze)

exercising to lose weight and get healthier

The list could go on and on and on but I am sure that you get the point.

It is time for things to change.  It is time for me to start accomplishing something.  It is time to start spending at least an hour each evening (after Liam is in bed) doing something away from the computer.  Do you think I can do it?  I'm not even sure I can do it.  But I have to try.  I can't keep ignoring everything except my computer.  Can I?