I am participating in the 5 for 5 writing series at Momalom where bloggers write a post a day for five days about a given topic. The first topic is CHANGE.
Many people think of depression as just feeling sad all the time. Unfortunately for those of us who suffer from depression, we know that there is a whole lot more to it than that. Depression effects just about every aspect of your life, not always at the same time or in the same way but it touches everything in someway.
Everything changes when you become depressed. The way you look at life, the way you interact with people, the way you do your job, your thoughts, your choices, your hopes and desires.
Some of these changes are easy enough to get back on track once you learn how to control your depression. But some of them are not. Sometimes it seems as though depression has changed certain aspects of your existence for good.
Before I developed depression, I was full of energy and motivation, always ready to try new things and make decisions, although I was a little bit shy, I wasn't afraid of meeting new people and I was no super model, but for the most part, I was happy with my appearance. Now, even though my depression is under control, I have changed.
I don't have the energy and motivation that I once had. Even when I want to do something, it can be a struggle to motivate myself to get up off the couch or move away from the computer. I miss the enthusiasm that I once had for many things. I hate having to push myself to do the things I love.
I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I need to get healthier, not only for me, but for my family. I need to eat better and eat less. I need to exercise more. I need to stop just saying these things and actually doing them.
I am tired of worrying about what people think of me. I am tired of seeing things so negatively. I am tired of not being able to make a decision. I am tired of the way depression has changed me. I am tired of depression being in control. It is time I learn to control my depression.
It is time to CHANGE.