Depression Changes Things

I am participating in the 5 for 5 writing series at Momalom where bloggers write a post a day for five days about a given topic.  The first topic is CHANGE.

Many people think of depression as just feeling sad all the time.  Unfortunately for those of us who suffer from depression, we know that there is a whole lot more to it than that.  Depression effects just about every aspect of your life, not always at the same time or in the same way but it touches everything in someway. 

Everything changes when you become depressed.  The way you look at life, the way you interact with people, the way you do your job, your thoughts, your choices, your hopes and desires.

Some of these changes are easy enough to get back on track once you learn how to control your depression.  But some of them are not.  Sometimes it seems as though depression has changed certain aspects of your existence for good.

Before I developed depression, I was full of energy and motivation, always ready to try new things and make decisions, although I was a little bit shy, I wasn't afraid of meeting new people and I was no super model, but for the most part, I was happy with my appearance.  Now, even though my depression is under control, I have changed.  

I don't have the energy and motivation that I once had.  Even when I want to do something, it can be a struggle to motivate myself to get up off the couch or move away from the computer.  I miss the enthusiasm that I once had for many things.  I hate having to push myself to do the things I love. 

I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.  I need to get healthier, not only for me, but for my family.  I need to eat better and eat less.  I need to exercise more.  I need to stop just saying these things and actually doing them.

I am tired of worrying about what people think of me.  I am tired of seeing things so negatively.  I am tired of not being able to make a decision.  I am tired of the way depression has changed me.  I am tired of depression being in control.  It is time I learn to control my depression.

It is time to CHANGE.

Can I Wrap My Boy In Bubble Wrap?

Liam has been an accident waiting to happen these last few days.

It started with a splinter in his hand at Home Depot on Friday.  It was quickly removed, but apparently I didn't get all of it as on Saturday is was red, swollen and puss filled.  Fortunately, it was quickly taken care of and by Sunday, you could hardly even see the mark!

Saturday morning, he had a run in with the cat.  I hear "Mommy, come quick, Tickles picked me two times and I can see my bone!"  Needless to say, he was being a little overly dramatic about this.  He actually only had three little scratches on his hands.  There were no exposed bones! Perhaps this will teach him not to follow the cat under the bed!  And to go away when she hisses at him!  

Supper time on Saturday came the first big one.  I really don't know how he did it, but he fell, hitting his forehead on the edge of the dining room table.  At the time, it was just red and a little bump.  It looks a lot worse now than at the time!

Sunday, when he was napping, he fell out of bed.  Luckily there were no injuries from this!  And he even went back to sleep!

On Monday morning, he was spinning in circles in the playground at daycare when he got dizzy and fell (funny how that happens when you spin in circles!).  He hit his eye on  the slide and now has a cut, swollen and bruised eye.

I am thankful that none of these have been serious injuries and we haven't had to make any trips to the hospital or anything!  But if this doesn't stop soon, I am seriously going to think about wrapping Liam in bubble wrap to keep him from hurting himself!

Homemade Hot Cross Bun

When it comes to food at Easter, one of the first things I think of is Hot Cross Buns.  But not the ones you can buy in the store, for me, only homemade ones will do!  

When you grow having something homemade your entire childhood, it's just gotta stay that way!  Thankfully, not only did my mother teach me to enjoy and appreciate homemade baked goods, she also taught me to bake them!

So this morning, Liam and I hit the kitchen together with my Mom's recipe to make Hot Cross Buns.  As always, he was eager to help bake but rather disappointed that we would not be putting smarties in the hot cross buns!  (I guess smartie cookies are on next weekend's baking agenda!)

Come on Mom, Let's get baking!

Here is the recipe, complete with instructions and photos!

Hot Cross Buns 

1 cup warm water

2 tsps sugar

2 tbsp yeast

2 cup milk

1/2 cup margarine

2/3 cup sugar

1 tsp salt

2 1/2 tsp cinnamon

4 eggs, beaten

10 cups flour

1 1/2 cups currants (I use raisins because I like them better.)

Mix dissolve 2 tsp of sugar in the warm water.  Sprinkle in yeast.  Let sit for 10 minutes.  (Note: do this in a bowl where it has space to rise, I use a 2 cup glass measuring cup.)

Melt margarine.  In a large bowl, mix milk, margarine, 2/3 cup sugar, salt and cinnamon.  After yeast mixture has sat for 10 minutes, stir and add to milk mixture.  Add eggs, beat well. 

Stir in currants and 3 cups of flour.  Add remaining flour 2 or 3 cups at a time, stirring to make a soft dough.

Turn dough out onto a floured surface and knead for 8-10 minutes, place in a greased bowl and let rise until doubled in size, usually about an hour.

Punch dough down.  Divide into 36 even pieces form into smooth balls.  Cut cross on top with a sharp knife.  (I usually make mine a little smaller, so that I get 48 buns.)

Allow to rise, again, about an hour.

Bake at 375 F for 15-20 minutes.

Glaze with sugar water.  Ice crosses when cool.

Watching the yeast rise was interesting and provoked a lot of "whys?" but for the most part, Liam was too excited and eager to do stuff that he didn't care about the answers!  

Stirring and tasting are the best parts of the job!

Adding the flour in small amounts (2-3 cups at a time) makes it much easier to mix.

Reading for kneading!

"You really want me to use my hands?  Are you sure?"

Kneaded and ready to rise.

Risen!

Every little person's favorite part . . . punching down the dough!

Shaping the buns.

Ready to rise again!

Ready to bake!

Baked and cooling!

Finished and waiting to eaten!

Conversations With Liam

These days we never know where a conversation with Liam will take us.  It could be short, sweet and to the point or it could be long and confusing, leaving you wondering where this child came from!  One thing is for sure, there are a lot of laughs to be had.  And I really don't know how the kid knows the things he knows!

Here are some of my favourites from the past few days.

Liam: "Today I was a bad crocodile."

Me: "How do you be a bad crocodile?"

Liam: "I do this." <looked at me with a mean glare>  "And I have a big long nose with very big, very sharp teeth.  Crocodiles have big scary teeth."

Me: "Yes, they do have big teeth."

Liam: "And crocodiles have sharp toes with very sharp nails that come out of their toes for scratching, like this." <he put his hands up to demonstrate scratching>  "Crocodiles have really big, very big tails that they use to hit things.  And they swim in the water.  Bad crocodiles eat animals that they hit with their big tails and grab with their sharp toes and sharp nails."

Me: "Are there any good crocodiles?"

Liam: "No, crocodiles are all bad.  They bit and scratch and hit.  They are just bad crocodiles."

Liam: "I know how to make tuna melts.  

First you put the tuna on and then you put the cheese on.  

And then it just melts."

Liam: "Mommy, I want to you to get in the bath with me."

Me: "No thank you, I don't want to take a bath right now."

Liam: "But it is fun to play with dinosaurs and sharks in the bath with me."

Me: "Maybe another time."

Liam: "We need to buy you a bathtub of your own so that we can have baths together.  We can go get it later at Walmart.  No, maybe we'll get it at Costco.  Costco is better."

On the way home from work/daycare:

Liam: "Daddy, who built your truck?"

Henry: "Ford built it."

Liam: "Where does Ford work?  Does he work at Walmart or Costco?"

Henry: "Ford isn't a person.  Ford is a company that makes trucks."

Liam: "Where is Ford now? Is he going home?"

Henry: "Ford is not a person.  This truck was made at Ford in Virginia"

Liam: "Why?"

Henry: "Because there is a big factory in Virginia where Ford makes lots and lots of trucks."

Liam:"Does Ford do it all by himself?"

Henry: "No, lots of different people helped to build this truck."

Liam: "How?"

Henry: "Someone makes the engine, someone makes the radiator, someone puts on the doors, someone puts in the seats."

Liam: "What do they use to make trucks?"

Henry: "Metal, screws and bolts."

Liam: "And glue.  Ford uses white glue to build trucks."

Henry: "No, they don't use glue, glue wouldn't hold the truck together."

Liam: "Yes it would.  Ford uses white glue to put the door on.  They just use lots and lots of it."

Henry: "White glue is just for paper.  It wouldn't work for building a truck."

Liam: "Yes, it does.  I know it does."

Liam: "What is this yellow stuff in my ear?" (in a very concerned tone)

Me: "Wax."

Liam: "Who put yellow wax in my ear?" (sounding horrified)

Me: "It's OK, wax just comes out of your ears sometimes."

Liam: "I don't like it when wax comes out of my head into my ears."

Big Boy Means Big Changes

March 1st, 2012 was a day that we have been thinking about since Liam was 6 days old and counting down to since his last visit to the Orthopedist, in September.  March 1st, 2012 was the day that we could finally say that Liam was finished with treatment for his club foot, finished treatment that started when he was only 6 days old.

In the three years that he has been wearing his Denis Brown Boots and Bar, we have gone through three pairs of shoes, from the little tiny ones that wouldn't stay on his feet because they were too big to the biggest ones, that we soon going to be too small.

We were all thrilled to be able to put the "sleepy shoes" away forever!

The end of the sleepy shoes for Liam meant that it was time for another change.  Even though he was already 3 years old, Liam was still sleeping in his crib as we didn't want him trying to walk in his boots and bar.  However, the last few months, he's been asking for a big boy bed and it would break my heart every time.

Last night sleeping in his crib!

Last night sleeping in his crib!

The first Friday after we were done with the sleepy shoes, we set to converting the crib to a toddler bed.

Liam was excited, not only to be getting his big boy bed, but also to help Daddy!

What is this piece for?

I wasn't sure how the transition to a bed would go.  I have heard lots of horror stories of kids who wouldn't stay in their beds, wouldn't sleep in their beds, parents who would sit outside the bedroom door for hours to keep the child in the bedroom, I could go on and on.  

But, really, Liam has been amazing!  He stays in bed, even when he is upset and doesn't want to go to sleep, he doesn't get out of bed.  He stays in bed in the morning until I go in to get him up.  Even after his afternoon naps, he doesn't get out of bed until someone comes in to get him!  Not sure what we did to get this lucky!!'

Trying out the newly assembled toddler bed.

First night sleeping in his Big Boy Bed!

Sound asleep like he'd been sleeping in a bed for months!

My sweet little angel! 

Kitchen Renovations - Part One

I came to the realization a few months ago that at big part of the reason that I have come to dread cooking and hardly ever bake is that I hate my kitchen.  I know that as long as we live in this house, I will never have a kitchen that I am totally in love with, it just isn't feasible, however, I need to have a kitchen that I can stand to be in for more than 30 seconds at a time without wanting to run away from home!

When we bought this house in late 2002 and started painting and making it ours, I was dead set on a blue and yellow kitchen.  And although I did, at the time, like the finished product, it was never quite what I had in mind when I planned for blue and yellow.  This time, I didn't know what I wanted.  We had dozens of paint chips stuck to the walls and cupboard doors for weeks, trying to decide.  And we changed our minds almost every week.  

My blue and yellow kitchen, getting ready for a makeover.

My blue and yellow kitchen, getting ready for a makeover.

Finally, we decided on green and tan.  We choose a light, sage green for the walls, and what Henry calls a coffee with too much milk colour for the cabinets.

Tennessee Haze and Onion Skin were the colours we settled on (third from the top on both cards).

Over the course of a week, we spent our time on the weekend and after work, painting.  Everything needed two coats of paint to cover up the old colours.  The cabinet doors had to be taken down to paint.  It was a big job but it was so worth it!

Newly painted kitchen!

Newly painted kitchen!

Newly painted kitchen!  Complete with Henry's latest batch of hard cider, fermenting in the white pail!

Newly painted kitchen!  So much brighter and enjoyable to spend time in!

Yesterday, Henry took down the old, very dirty ceiling fan and put up a nice new track light.  He also installed LED strip lights over the counter, sink and stove!  The lighting is so much better now!!

New track light!  Prettier and better lighting than the old ceiling fan!

We are still a long way from done, the kitchen still needs a new counter top, sink and floor.  Unfortunately, these renos have been put on hold for a little while as we have some outdoor projects that need to be completed this spring.  But as soon as the outdoor projects are done taking up our time and money, we will be back to finishing the kitchen!

Until then, we have done enough to make me enjoy my time in the kitchen again!  

Potty Training Tuesday #16

When The Time Is Right . . . 

We have finally had potty training success with Liam!  Since my last Potty Training Tuesday post in . . . August, has it really been that long?  We have had literally no success with potty training.  

A couple of times Liam announced that he was a big boy and didn't need to wear diapers anymore, but he also refused to use the potty.  

Over the Christmas holidays, I tried some serious potty training, wear underwear and sitting on the potty every fifteen minutes.  Still nothing.

Although I desperately wanted Liam to be potty trained, I wasn't going to push the issue.  At his three year old check up in January, the pediatrician told Daddy that Liam really should be potty trained.  His advice . . . put him on the potty every 30 minutes if he wants to or not and give him a sticker when he pees.  (I am not even going to get into all the things that are wrong with that advice!  At least not right now!!)

Daddy thought that this sounds like a good plan, so we gave it a try, for about two days.  Liam was miserable every time we made him sit on the potty and we had absolutely no success.

At the beginning of February, the daycare decided that it was time for some hardcore potty training for a number of the children in Liam's group.  

I crossed my fingers, prayed to the potty training gods, sent lots of extra clothes and hoped for the best, but expected the worst!

In the beginning, there were LOTS of accidents and no success.

The there were fewer accidents but still little to no success.  Liam's teachers seemed to think that he was "holding it" as he would pee as soon as they put a diaper on him at nap time.  And although it's not as good as actually using the toilet, it is a good step as it is a sign that the child is gaining some control.

Then, finally, one day there was a pee on the toilet! And soon after that, success was a regular thing.  But only at daycare.  At home it was a struggle to get him to sit for even a few seconds.  But I was not discouraged!  Progress is still progress even when it is slow!

It took his daycare teacher telling him that if he used the potty at home for me that she would give him a big sticker the next morning, to get him to start at home.

And now, about 6 weeks after they started, I am thrilled to say that except for naps and night time, Liam is about 95% toilet trained.  He wears big boy underwear, has very few accidents and can mostly use the potty by himself.  He still wears a diaper when we are out, just in case we can find or get to a bathroom fast enough but even then, he usually asks to go use the toilet!  

So, when you are getting discouraged that your child isn't potty training fast enough, just think of me, the daycare teacher who has potty trained countless kids in her 14 years of working as an ECE who couldn't potty train her own child!  

It will happen when the time is right!

Stay tuned for more tips, tricks and advice every Tuesday!  And please do share your own experiences!  I am always looking for ways to make potty training easier for myself, not only at work, but also at home as I will soon be jumping in head first to potty train Liam!